i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize