Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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