he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
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he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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