im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
