I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
