My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
