He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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