Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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