I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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