you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
