you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
