Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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