How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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