just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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