Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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