a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dignity is for republicans.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
