Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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