I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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