he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
