I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
