Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
