you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
