I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
