Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He better not be in your backpack
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
