when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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