Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize