Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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