if you like me you must not know who I am
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
