I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Found the puke drawer
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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