I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
