btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
