i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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