Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
