Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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