No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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