why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
