He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
50% drunk capacity currently
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
