Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
