ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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