I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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