Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
