Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
