you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
