Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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