if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
