I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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