dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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