normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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