I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
