Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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