Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize