Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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