I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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