I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
