if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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