if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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