I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
