Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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