If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
