the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
