theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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