Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
