I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
