You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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