as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
