3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
