I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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