If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We are all done wearing pants today
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
