she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
