??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize