Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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