Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
