what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
