thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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