I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
