Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
