When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize