I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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