im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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