Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize