did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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