I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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