I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
