Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
