Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
