How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
